Hey there and howdy, I know it's been a REALLY long time since the last post, and I want to apologize for that. I've got a slew of content and updates planned for this site, I'm just hard pressed to find time these days. That being said, I'm trying to get a planned update system going on, perhaps every other Sunday or something, I just have to get through crunch-time here first.

But, carrying on... this weekend's deep fried delectables were:

(drumroll please)

DEEP FRIED CALAMARI & TWINKIES
(The combination of heroes)

My latest frying adventure started with the search for the Next Great Treat. The last frying endeavor took many more hours than I anticipated from start to finish, and I knew going into this weekend's event that I was far more limited with my schedule, so I had to come up with something fairly quick and easy. That being said, I didn't want to do anything too straightforward or boring, as there is no fun in that.

After scouring the web I decided that calamari was a quick and easy, but also a somewhat different type of fried dish. Still, I felt that wasn't enough, and in a bold last-minute add-on I decided to throw in some deep fried twinkies as a dessert (after all, that was one of the reasons the almighty birthday fryer was bestowed upon me to begin with).

I jotted down the recipes, which can be found here:

Deep Fried Twinkies (scroll down near the bottom)
Deep Fried Calamari (a very very simple and basic recipe)

The pile o' ingredients

The ingredient list was MUCH easier to come by this time around, partly because I had many of the ingredients in the kitchen from last time, and partly because I wasn't the one doing the actual shopping this time (thank you dedicated fan fryette!).

Armed with fresh twinkies and "squid tubes and tentacles", we set off to work!

The twinkies went into the freezer to chill for as long as possible, the oil was poured and left heating up, meanwhile the cutting board was brought out and the lovely squiddy bits were put under the chop!

Squid tubes and tentacles

Basically the squid came in two parts, the big floppy head (the "tube") and it's piles of squiddy legs (the tentacles). The tubes had to be cut into sections, creating the round rings that you see when you order calamari.

The squid was all squishy and slimy, and we bought 1lb of it, so there was much cutting to be done. By the end there we had a large pile of sliced and diced squid bits.

Reconstructed squid

Hi-ya!

The next part was more fun. Before the squid could take their hot oil bath, they had to be dusted in corn starch first. Before being covered in starch, squid bits are squishy and jelly-like, but afterwards they feel AWESOME. It's hard to describe, but it's like playing with a bunch of rubbery deflated balloons, but not regular balloons, like... AWESOME balloons that are just so damn malleable. Okay, it's hard to describe, but my recommendation is to go out and TRY it, it's really quite fantastic and I could have been there playing with it all day if I wasn't under time-pressure.

After the cornstarch, all that was left to do was basically dunk the calamari in the fryer. Oh man did they bubble and hiss! It was awesome! Like my own personal cauldron of evil deliciousness!


The recipe said to only keep them in for about a minute on high-heat, but I kept checking and they still weren't turning brown. They stayed a pale-white color. I kept checking and kept checking, and after about 5 minutes I decided if they hadn't turned golden by now, they just weren't going to, and hauled them out.



Upon a taste test they were cooked too long and were REALLY dry and crunchy, like popcorn, and not chewy like calamari should be. So the second batch (the other half-lb) we followed the instructions better and only kept them in there for about a minute and a half, and they had a much better consistency.


Overall they were edible, just very VERY bland. Probably the most boring calamari I've ever had. Still, they served as good munchie food while we prepared the next leg of our fantastic voyage.... the TWINKIE BATTER.


It turns out that making deep fried Twinkies is almost the same as making corn dogs, so I put my prior experience to use! It all starts with the batter, mixing the wet ingredients in one bowl and the dry in another, and then the two are blended together and stirred until smooth. Since my corn dog batter was a bit bland, I decided to throw in some extra sugar... which in hindsight is pretty unnecessary because unlike a hot dog, Twinkies come packed with an excessive amount of sugar to begin with.

After the batter was mixed it was time to surgically insert the popsicle sticks.

And then the twinkies were dunked and battered as
evenly as possible.

Again, similar to corn dogs, the trickiest part is trying to evenly batter the twinkies and then move them into the hot grease without dripping everywhere, and without the batter slipping off one side, or globbing out in unusual patterns once it is dunked. Also similar to the problems faced with corn dogs are the fact that Twinkies are light and they float, meaning their natural tendency is to bob on one side and not cook the other. So you have to sort of hold them down under the oil and turn them around as evenly as possible, without poking great holes in the batter before it hardens and sets.

Other than the buoyancy, it was pretty simple from here on out. Twinkies only need to be deep fried for 3 or so minutes, and I think in our last batch we only kept them in there for a minute and a half.

If you don't smoothly batter and rotate them, they take on a bizarre lumpy surface texture and look sort of alien-like, but don't be alarmed, it doesn't affect their deliciousness.

And boy... are they TASTY.

Upon first taste I nearly went into cardiovascular shock. I could feel my pupils dilate and the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Talk about a sugar rush! These babies are heaven-sent. After so much of my deep frying endeavors ending in blandness, these things were a sweet shot to the taste buds. Upon seeing my positive reaction, a line started to form out the kitchen door as people were eager to try for themselves. Resisting the urge to black-out, I quickly fried up another 3 series of pairs and handed them around for the masses to enjoy.

What is interesting about deep frying Twinkies is that the cream filling boils up and gets absorbed into the fluffy lining. So the sides become intensely sweet, and you have an empty pocket in the middle. I suppose this is why they recommend freezing or chilling them first, I think it helps preserve the insides better. The final pair we fried for half the time, and those actually still had cream inside, it was warm and sugary, like melted marshmallows in Smores, and after two of them the world started to get a bit spinny.

From that point onward, I shared out whatever I had left and then unplugged the fryer to cool down.

LESSONS LEARNED

1. For the Calamari, the magic is all in the batter. Plain corn starch = bland. If you want delicious calamari, add lots of spices and stuff into the batter, and also make a neat sauce dip on the side for when they are served. Also, make sure to only keep them frying for a minute or two, regardless if they don't turn all golden.

2. Deep fried Twinkies are a godsend, and really... well... words just fail me. Just be careful not to eat too many, or keep some insulin nearby, as they could easily trigger instant diabetic shock. I mean, these things are so damn sugary that after cleaning up I had to sleep off their effects. Don't plan on driving or operating heavy machinery after eating them.

OVERALL

Another round of frying I consider to be a success! I'm learning that I'm not too good with traditional fried foods, but oddities and stuff on the side are a huge hits. I need to start improving the taste and complexity of my batters, and I need to get my dipping/dunking technique down better to improve the visual aesthetics of my fried delights.

That's it for this post, I hope you enjoyed! Many thanks to all those who offered their support (or just gawked) while I fried up the Twinkies. As always, please leave your comments below, as well as further suggestions as to what to fry next!

Thank you all!!

Sincerely,



~ Fryer Lawrence